Ramblings of an Ambitious One

So I think I figured, I think I figured I think I figured out that I am scared. All my life I have had this dream, this vision-nothing like the DREAM, nothing like the vision MLK had for the American Nation. Nothing like the vision Rosa Parks had in mind when she refused, REFUSED to sit at the back of the bus.- But anyways, pardon the digression: I have had a dream, a simple vision to be a lawyer, a complex dream to be a lawyer. Simple because everybody should have a vision of what they want to become. Simple because everybody has the right to dream of something that can take them beyond their circumstances, beyond even the wildest expectations. Complex because the dream is so big that I have a fear in the pit of my stomach; a fear to step out in its light.

So I think I'm paralyzed. Paralyzed by my own fear of what the future may hold. Held back by my own bold, crazy, far-fetched expectations. For the past few months I feel I've been walking away from the ambiton, shying away from the one thing I have always wanted to acheive. Because it's there, so close that I could feel the anticipation of it-a knot of nerves in my stomach.

So I think I have worked out, worked that I am angry. At the thought I might be letting my dream slip away, selfishly. Stupidly. Out of a fear more crippling than my own disabling condition.

So I think I know that I am scared, but tell me, tell me how I am supposed to step into my version of success with my head held high and my confidence intact when the world outside my cocoon of family and friends is so wicked, so ignorant? Because I know, I know, I know-with all of the conviction in my being-that I do not want to let myself shrink away from my dream. I want to see myself live up to my own version of success, as defined and redefined by myself alone. And I might just baffle, stun myself with what I can acheive. Yes, I just might...but in the meantime whatever power is the Almighty, lend me your Strength for I have Mountains still to climb.