"Woke Up After Death"

Woke up today on the right foot, all soul-song-singing and softly humming under my breath, despite the fact that my own breathing felt restricted by a cold that was making my head swell with throbbing pain. Woke up today happy,relatively. I had not forgotten the vision that struck me last night just as I was pulling the covers over my socked feet, the image of his mischievously smiling face. Nor had I forgotten the silent promise I had made to keep up with old friends. So today I woke up happy. Joyful, joyful, happy day-oh. And then everything changed. In the space of that oh, nothing was the same.

Nothing
is
the same
after...

the same after
Death.

Woke up this morning with this feeeling
in the pit of my stomach.

The memory of his full-toothed grin played in my mind as I hurried through my morning routine

Humdrum
Soothing like a down comforter
But nothing is the same after death.

Woke up today moaning and drowsy
Feeling lousy:
Shitty, really
but happy still...

until
I remembered his face

until
I read the caption:

"With great sadness"

And knew with an eerie conviction:

With great sadness
Jamie was gone.

Guilt told me off
Gave me a lashing
across
the
face

Where had my promise gone?

Such a slow case of epiphany
Dawning on me
that nothing:
Nothing
is the same after Death.

Today, Alive

Today you want to be alive
Today you want to feel
Pinpricks raining like hail from root to tip
You want to trip on chance
In a slow cadence
Altering action
Life-changing
F Ire igniting electricity flowing through your
Veins
Chains
Lifting from your mind
Emerging,finally,

Alive.

Today you want to be alive
You want to feel your heart pumping out, beating in
Like a hammer breathing life into a house.

Don’t want a rerun of yesterday
Tears born of fears
Sliding down your face,
Dripping through your nose
Making even your toes
Hot.

Today alive you want to be
Something
Stop feeling
Nothing
Stop thinking
Prescribed opinion
You want to get gumption
Today, alive.
Today you want to be.

Like the clouds are waiting,
Like the sky’s waking,
Like the dawn is breaking
Just for you.

Today you want to feel
Like a shooting star
Like a mountain peak

You want to take a peek
From the other side
Of the peeping hole
You want to see the world in its whole

Emerging, finally,
Alive.

Don’t want a rerun of yesterday
The same song skipping on the CD player
Everyday motions giving you motion
Sickness
Bitterness building like an abscess waiting to burst
Butterflies burning your chest
Now all you want is a chest full of treasures

Today you want to be alive
Bursting with joy and wonder
Won’t have to worry and wonder
Why.

Want to be
Today want to be
Alive.